Numb
by Roxas Duskwalker
Summary: What if it had been 'the other way around'. See how things may had been with Roxas taking the lead. Bad summary, just try. Rating for a bad mouth and because I m paranoid.


AN: This is for a challenge by Bighead98. But while writing it, I really came to like it. Who knows, maybe it´s time to release some personal sadness in form of stories or one-shots. Ah, I won´t bother you with it, promise. Just read it like any other story. But keep in mind, that it probably will be sad, hence the category.

However read and review. And have, well not fun, but at least some pleasure with this little one.

Disclaimer: I don´t own Kingdom Hearts and probably I will never own it. But who knows maybe ... Just joking it doesn´t belong to me and it never will. Still I enjoy to write about it and you still have to bear my bad grammar.

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Looking back … being a … Nobody … hasn´t been … that bad.

If you are reading this, then I´m probably dead by now or in the darkness or whatever fate awaits a Nobody. I sure hope it's you, Sora, and if not, then please carry my words to him. Because here comes something you or he has to know.

**Protect Kairi with your life.** If not, well then you might end where I´m right now.

Do you remember the fight we had, at the Memory´s Skyscraper? What do you think it was? Why have I won, why have I overtaken your heart and body … why … did it have to end like this?

Was it just luck or something bigger, like fate? I don´t know. But what I know is that this could have been the other way around. One lucky strike and everything could have been different.

You probably remember this, because you have been inside my, well formerly your, heart ever since then. With my knowledge about the castle, I easily reached the Alter of Naught. I reached it just seconds after Kingdom Hearts had been blown off, thanks to Ansem the Wise. Kingdom Hearts must have gone crazy to even think of me as a worthy possessor of its powers. However, due to whatever Ansem had done, Kingdom Hearts could no longer contain its form and passed its powers on to me.

With that Xemnas was an easy fight. This man had used me from the very beginning. This rage, this hatred I felt for him … But I got my revenge and he is no more. I´m over that by now.

The next to appear there, were Riku, Mickey, Kairi, Donald and Goofy. To say they were in rage would be an understatement. Kairi, Donald and Goofy attacked me without any warning, but with Kingdom Hearts powers at my bidding they were easily deflected. Again I´m sorry Kairi broke her wrist in this little confrontation.

I explained everything to them and had only one question in return. Well Saix can proof that I was quite upset, to hear, that Naminé had already merged with Kairi. I have lost the only person who was always there for me. The one person I truly loved. It´s sad, you know. I never told her this. But I think she knew, deep down … she knew. I had lost her … I think in that moment this feeling begin. A feeling like nothing mattered anymore, like there was nothing left for me. I felt … numb.

I brought Saix down without any mercy. What he had done to me and my friends, he wasn´t worthy to live anymore. He had treated me like garbage and Xion, who was like a sister to me, even worse. I remembered her by now, but to learn that it was partly my fault that she was no more … it only worsened this feeling.

Next was Xigbar, he taunted me and let´s say he didn´t speak very well about Axel. Axel, maybe the only real friend I ever made. He said that it was a good thing Axel was no more and that he was an emotionally weakling. That did it. I took a page out of Axel´s book and now not even ashes remain of what has once been Xigbar.

There was only one Organization member left, beside me. The Gambler of Fate, Luxord. He did bet high and this time he won. He was always friendly to me, not like the others. Always from above, but in a nice way, in a … fatherly way. He gave me his promise to stay low and I used Kingdom Hearts powers to give him his heart back.

Did you know that he sometimes visits me? Funny, huh? He has a family to worry about, a wife and a son, so why does he do this? But he has enough on his plate as it is, so I don´t show him how I really feel. Not that he could save me from this numb feeling. Nothing can anymore.

Now that I mentioned visits, well there is Riku. He sometimes visits me in this lonely castle and tries to bring me out of my shell. He really tries to be nice, but I can see it in his eyes. He is hurt, nearly as numb as I am. He try to not show it, tries to be strong, for me … and Kairi. Help him, promise me that.

And there is Kairi. I tried to approach her more than once. But it ended like this every time, I watched her from afar and tried to help her. But I never came close to her and I could only look while her depression got stronger every day.

Everyone said that she would get over it. But they are wrong. I know, because we share the same pain. To lose those you love, this is nothing you overcome. Not overnight and in some cases never. It's nearly funny, you know. That we hate each other sometimes. But deep down we have an understanding for each other, like nobody else has. Only once people have shared the same pain, only then they can truly understand each other.

This pain, this regret, this feeling like your totally numb inside … it´s slowly eating us from the inside. So please … help her, she needs it more than you know.

Looks like I´m running out of time. I felt the portal open in the basement of the Castle That Never Was, which I now reside in. She has arrived.

Looking back, maybe feeling nothing or nearly nothing was better. Better than what I´m feeling now at least. Protect Kairi or you won´t survive it. I won´t survive the loss of Naminé over a year ago, that´s for sure now. Well let me just add some last thoughts.

Cherish the time you have with your friends, you never know when it ends.

You don´t need many friends, just some you can truly trust.

Protect your family and don´t argue with them, they are much more important than you can imagine.

Don´t have secrets, they may as well be your downfall one day.

Seize the day and do one good thing every day, it will feel better this way.

Oh, and use Kingdom Hearts power wisely. Not like me, you have seen what it can do.

And most importantly: Protect Kairi. I hate to repeat myself, but it is very important.

And by protect I don´t mean physically only. Emotionally she will be a wrack once this is over. Help her. Cherish her. Make her happy every day of your lives. And stay alive damn it, she won´t survive losing you a second time. Please I will ask only this from you, help her.

She now entered this floor. So let me add one last thing.

I did many bad things throughout my life. I tried to make up for them and by what will happen now, I think I have done a good enough job. This is as far as I can go. The rest is up to you. I will leave the rest to you and trust you with it. This has always been your story from the very beginning and I don´t think I have a part in it anymore.

I just hope she really can release you with her powers as a Princess of Heart. If not, well then we have one Keybearer less in some minutes. Two if she really gives up after that. I hope it doesn´t come to this.

I have hope for you, Sora. I have done everything to ensure your return, let´s just pray it´s enough. Well my story ends now and I will set down my pencil. After all it's rude to let your guest and fate waiting.

Hopefully you can pick up what I have left. Maybe you can set things right. The pieces lie where they fell and now it´s your turn to pick them up.

My last thought is with Naminé. I wish I knew what will happen now. Maybe I will see her again now. If I had just one wish, this would be it. I want to see her again and I have a feeling it will happen. As long as you are with Kairi, Naminé and I will stay together too.

So remember what I said, protect her. Oh and we see each other in the next life. Then we will have a rematch okay … Brother?

Hm, it´s strange … I´m content with dying … for the first time in months I feel … something. So that´s how it feels to have a Heart. It feels … good. Well she´s here, so no regrets and no change of mind.

Farewell and stay strong, for her.

Roxas

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PS: If you don´t protect Kairi like I want you to, I have no problem coming back from the dead and kick you in the ass. And please, grow some balls and confess to her. You need her as much as she needs you.

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AN: Well that´s it, so please give me a piece of your mind. REVIEW only this way I can get better.


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